When he admits to himself he's in love with the guy that he looked down on the whole time...

Everything about Jonathan was just so big and bold and bright. So unrestrained. So unapologetically himself in a way Ashley had never been able to manage. Ashley was afraid he would get blinded if he stared at him too long. Like staring into the sun. Like something so brilliant it would burn out his retinas and leave him seeing spots for days.